I feel like New York can be a kind, generous and good friend. However, much like a good friend, New York sometimes gives advice and offers lessons that are a bit tough to swallow and sometimes not solicited. For example, yesterday I felt the painful sting of the cost of going to the bathroom at an audition when your number comes up. Pushed to end of the list, I was unable to be seen that day, and thereby I spent almost five hours waiting around for nothing. Ouch.
Tonight, I'm up late pondering all of my auditioning and trying to remind myself to be patient. More than ever, I'm realizing how much of this is out of my control. If I have such a great grasp on that concept, then why does my mind not let my body go to sleep? It's constantly running wondering what is going to happen at the next audition, or the next, or the next.
I would love to land a show in New York someday. I told my roommate today that I think that is exactly when my next wave of training will really begin. You see, to be in a show that would allow me to have many of my days free, I could focus on finally getting into acting classes and singing classes and work on continually bettering myself as a dancer. But it's one of those catch twenty-twos such as the old expression, "You have to have a job to get a job nowadays..." Well, I'm going to keep pushing. Harder than ever. Let me re-stress. I refuse to starve.