Learning new skills is a challenge that I have always enjoyed, but there is something frustrating about learning how to tap dance! Tonight, I did ok in my first class with the younger kids, but I really began to get bummed out in my adult class! As I write this, I'm finding the last couple of sentences quite comical although I wasn't laughing as I slipped and almost landed on my face in class! (that sounds funny now too.)
The thing is, I know that I will continue to rise to the occasion. I know that I can and will only be as good as I am able to be at each moment in time. It's ego that drives me bonkers, and it will always be that which I have to keep in check. Getting frustrated really can only serve to hold me back, and I need to remember that I do find this new tool fun.
Hopefully, as I become a little less stressed and see the details of my move begin to come together in a bit more orderly fashion, I will feel better. For now, I will just go to sleep and be thankful that tonight's disaster is over!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Positive thinking.
I have had such a lovely weekend. My birthday celebration was a success, and many of my close friends attended. I felt really touched. I spent even more time today with some great folks by attending a brunch and a dinner with several of the dancers. Tomorrow, I have yet another day off! Ah, what a much needed three day weekend! Hopefully, I'll feel rejuvenated and ready to go back to work on Tuesday.
This weekend served as a welcome distraction because I have been feeling pretty down due to the fact that I haven't heard anything about summer employment from the theatre in St. Louis. I've now let it go as "I probably didn't book this one," but I'm still willing to be surprised. In the meantime, I can spend my time getting excited about my move and putting all of my energy into that. I am so thrilled to get to spend my summer in New York! I won't just be visiting! I'll be there to stay! At last, a life goal is almost achieved!
A new goal of mine is to learn to be more and more positive in my life. I want to strive to find a way to be happy even when I don't "succeed." Thereby, when I do, I can feel REALLY happy. I think that if I can somehow manage to achieve this attitude, or at least try to have this as my attitude, then I will be much happier and successful in my life in the long run. Life is too short not to enjoy it as much as possible. I am confident that at some point I will be able to look back and see why it is that I didn't book certain things. It's just so hard to be retrospective while still looking forward (if that makes any sense.)
This weekend served as a welcome distraction because I have been feeling pretty down due to the fact that I haven't heard anything about summer employment from the theatre in St. Louis. I've now let it go as "I probably didn't book this one," but I'm still willing to be surprised. In the meantime, I can spend my time getting excited about my move and putting all of my energy into that. I am so thrilled to get to spend my summer in New York! I won't just be visiting! I'll be there to stay! At last, a life goal is almost achieved!
A new goal of mine is to learn to be more and more positive in my life. I want to strive to find a way to be happy even when I don't "succeed." Thereby, when I do, I can feel REALLY happy. I think that if I can somehow manage to achieve this attitude, or at least try to have this as my attitude, then I will be much happier and successful in my life in the long run. Life is too short not to enjoy it as much as possible. I am confident that at some point I will be able to look back and see why it is that I didn't book certain things. It's just so hard to be retrospective while still looking forward (if that makes any sense.)
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Friendship.
Tonight, several of my friends will gather for dinner and then all go to an adult "prom" that is going on in a beautiful theatre Downtown. To me, this is another measure of the wonderful life I have built here in Kansas City. It's ever strange to think of leaving that behind. No matter how hard one tries, it is inevitable that not everyone will remain in perfect contact with one another after people move away. I will do my best, but I'm sure I will come up short.
In the meantime, I will continue to love and be thankful for the friends that I have.
In the meantime, I will continue to love and be thankful for the friends that I have.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
That's showbiz.
The waiting game is the hardest part of a "successful" audition. I'm referring to the St. Louis audition I did two weeks ago. People I know have been contacted with job offers, and I'm still waiting to hear if I'm going to get one or not. Well, that's the world I have signed up for now, I suppose.
Somehow, although I am quite anxious to hear something (positive or otherwise,) I feel content in whatever happens. I would love to perform this summer, and let's face it. I've put my eggs into one basket with this theatre. I haven't busted my rear to get work anywhere else. With that in mind, I go to the thought of, "obviously, I was planning to make this a transition summer anyway...." So, if I get a job out of this, it's a cherry on the top. If not, then I do what I originally planned to. I move to New York and get settled in and enjoy the summer. I don't think it has REALLY set in that I am going to live there. Yes, I will be living there-for better or worse!
I remain positive regardless of the outcome of this audition, and I am happy for my colleague who was hired. He is a talented young man who will do quite well in this field. It just goes to show that I'd better not let my guard down.
This is a highly competitive market. I was lucky to have ten years in a ballet company. I've already proven myself in a niche market. You don't have to be as technically "perfect" in the theatre world, but you still have to be darned good. I have to stay sharp.
Somehow, although I am quite anxious to hear something (positive or otherwise,) I feel content in whatever happens. I would love to perform this summer, and let's face it. I've put my eggs into one basket with this theatre. I haven't busted my rear to get work anywhere else. With that in mind, I go to the thought of, "obviously, I was planning to make this a transition summer anyway...." So, if I get a job out of this, it's a cherry on the top. If not, then I do what I originally planned to. I move to New York and get settled in and enjoy the summer. I don't think it has REALLY set in that I am going to live there. Yes, I will be living there-for better or worse!
I remain positive regardless of the outcome of this audition, and I am happy for my colleague who was hired. He is a talented young man who will do quite well in this field. It just goes to show that I'd better not let my guard down.
This is a highly competitive market. I was lucky to have ten years in a ballet company. I've already proven myself in a niche market. You don't have to be as technically "perfect" in the theatre world, but you still have to be darned good. I have to stay sharp.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Serious Senioritis!
"Today, the minutes seem like hours, the hours go so slowly...." I feel that it's okay that I should quote a famous line from a famous musical. That is how the past two days have felt. I've felt that I have wanted to be anywhere but the studio. This doesn't mean I'm not grateful for my job, it simply means I'm ready for the end to be here. It's getting to the point of frustration. Where before I was able to grasp onto each last opportunity-whether I was going to be performing the part or not, as a chance to have one final taste of what I have loved, now I find it becoming increasingly difficult to remain focused. This is especially true for parts that I know I probably won't perform.
A friend made me feel better today about my attitude by explaining how it would be a bad thing if I wasn't feeling this itch to complete all of this and get out right now. That would mean that I was second guessing my decision. Well, I'm definitely not. Yes, I'd like my future plans to be a bit more solid, but oh well! That's not how life necessarily works! Thankfully, I only have two more work days this week!
A friend made me feel better today about my attitude by explaining how it would be a bad thing if I wasn't feeling this itch to complete all of this and get out right now. That would mean that I was second guessing my decision. Well, I'm definitely not. Yes, I'd like my future plans to be a bit more solid, but oh well! That's not how life necessarily works! Thankfully, I only have two more work days this week!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
What a birthday!
Let me preface this by saying that I am still committed to what I said in my first post about this blog NOT being a glorified "Facebook" status posting. I try to keep things on task as much as possible. So, that said, I will continue.
My birthday was incredible. Since I've already mentioned Facebook, I will add it to this. I awoke to a plethora of "Happy Birthday" wishes from all over the globe, and these stayed in a steady hourly stream as the day continued.
Most of these people are people I have met throughout my career dating back to the days when I was a young dance student. To me, this is a testament of the importance of having people in our lives and the need to get to know as many of them on as possible on as deep a level as possible. When I leave this field, I will cease to be a "ballet company dancer." But, I will continue to be me. The memories I have made and the people who I have touched and who have come to mean so much to me will remain. These are the people who will represent what I built during my career (and my life so far of course.)
I truly am a lucky man, and I don't take a single person for granted. I feel honored and humbled that so many people cared to reach out and send me a greeting today. I see each person as a reminder that I have a new stage to move onto. I have something better than a paying audience in front of me. I have the ultimate of all audiences-an audience of friends who love and support me and want to see me succeed. This is a group of people who watches-if only on birthdays and wants to know that I am alive and well. This is enough reason to keep striving to "perform" my best in my life. I don't see these people as "fans"-I am not so vain. I see them as icons. They are people that I want to impress by living a loving and successful life. They are people who may have met me by seeing me on stage, but they care enough to see me step off of it to. I want to keep people like this in my life. Indeed I do live a charmed life.
My birthday was incredible. Since I've already mentioned Facebook, I will add it to this. I awoke to a plethora of "Happy Birthday" wishes from all over the globe, and these stayed in a steady hourly stream as the day continued.
Most of these people are people I have met throughout my career dating back to the days when I was a young dance student. To me, this is a testament of the importance of having people in our lives and the need to get to know as many of them on as possible on as deep a level as possible. When I leave this field, I will cease to be a "ballet company dancer." But, I will continue to be me. The memories I have made and the people who I have touched and who have come to mean so much to me will remain. These are the people who will represent what I built during my career (and my life so far of course.)
I truly am a lucky man, and I don't take a single person for granted. I feel honored and humbled that so many people cared to reach out and send me a greeting today. I see each person as a reminder that I have a new stage to move onto. I have something better than a paying audience in front of me. I have the ultimate of all audiences-an audience of friends who love and support me and want to see me succeed. This is a group of people who watches-if only on birthdays and wants to know that I am alive and well. This is enough reason to keep striving to "perform" my best in my life. I don't see these people as "fans"-I am not so vain. I see them as icons. They are people that I want to impress by living a loving and successful life. They are people who may have met me by seeing me on stage, but they care enough to see me step off of it to. I want to keep people like this in my life. Indeed I do live a charmed life.
Monday, March 29, 2010
I'm on the right track.
Tonight I say "goodbye" to being 28 years old. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I have to say I'm looking forward to what this year will hold in store. Looking back at 28, I feel that it was a good year over all. I had some baubles here and there as is only natural, but I've had amazing opportunities both in both my personal and professional life. I'm glad I will be fulfilling my goal soon of moving to New York while I'm still in my twenties-barely, but hey, I'm doing it.
Having my birthday on the first day back to work isn't what I would choose, but at least the weather is supposed to be warm. I've decided to jump in with both feet and get through these last six weeks with as much joy and happiness that I can muster. SIX WEEKS are all that are left of my professional company life as a ballet dancer. Goodness gracious. It has flown. Six weeks is less time than I spent at the summer sessions I went to! Six weeks is nothing. So, I'm going to have to make it everything. Who knows what the future may bring, but it's time. Let's go KC Ballet, let's go.
Having my birthday on the first day back to work isn't what I would choose, but at least the weather is supposed to be warm. I've decided to jump in with both feet and get through these last six weeks with as much joy and happiness that I can muster. SIX WEEKS are all that are left of my professional company life as a ballet dancer. Goodness gracious. It has flown. Six weeks is less time than I spent at the summer sessions I went to! Six weeks is nothing. So, I'm going to have to make it everything. Who knows what the future may bring, but it's time. Let's go KC Ballet, let's go.
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