Friday, November 6, 2009


The only emotional milestone I can really compare my current experience to is my graduation from North Carolina School of the Arts. I attended that school for just two years shy of of the length of my career in Kansas City.

I keep having pseudo flash backs to my last year in school when I was preparing to graduate. I was nervous and unsure of myself, yet I had a strange confidence that things were somehow going to be okay. That said, towards the end, I was an emotional basket case. I think that back then, I was too cool to let it show as openly as I may now, but I was a mess. I was leaving my safe zone to go out and try to make it.

Now, I'm once again leaving an even safer zone. It's more difficult this time because in a sense I am walking away from the sanctuary that I built myself. When I was in school and living at home, I knew I was safe. Simple things such as the meals I ate were provided for me. In my adult life-which began when I was still technically a teenager, I have made myself. I have forced myself to "grow up" quicker than most who go the more traditional route of college.

I am already preparing myself for two scenarios come the end of the season. Either I'll be able to play it cool as I did at graduation, or I'll be a big weepy mess(a happy weepy mess nonetheless.) I'm definitely not too cool anymore to hold my feelings inside. As I've said before, I'm not really going to plan my reactions. I'm going to let them come as they may. I am excited to have made the connection between the similarities of what I'm going through now and what I went through a little over a decade ago. I am choosing to let it help me remain calm and trust that once more, the path will somehow form in front of me.

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