I am a bit behind this year, but I will make it. You see, I have made a holiday ornament for each of my colleagues for every season that I have been a member of the Kansas City Ballet. It began as something fun just to say "Happy Holidays," but for me, it turned out to be something that I really enjoyed. I love a challenge, and to come up with a different idea every year and sometimes even learn a new skill through the process of it all has been a wonderful experience for me. I'm not finished with them yet.
I put a lot of pressure on myself this year thinking I had to go out with a bang. My moment of clarity came when I found myself looking at a glass ball ornament and I realized that in order to do what I had envisioned, I was going to have to practically take a "ship in a bottle" approach and come up with a way to collapse and erect a sculpture inside the orb. I was driving myself insane over ornaments! That was ridiculous! I took the balls back to the store and came up with something different. Suddenly, the stress lifted (a bit) and the joy was back in the process.
This made me think about how often in life I allow small things that should bring me happiness get out of hand and find control over my emotions. If I want to maintain the ability to call myself a "control freak," this simply can't be so! I have to be bigger than the ornament! Seriously though, taking a breath and remembering that things will naturally fall into place if I don't try too hard to force them to will save me a lot of head and heartaches in the future. The small fiasco with the ornament was a reminder of that.
It also helped me to realize that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to top the personalized "bobble head" ornaments I made of everyone in the company back in 2003. I mean, come on-what could?!?