I have always prided myself on being fairly good at taking criticism. I don't always like it, but I'll take it. I've had a phrase I have used over the years and a couple a different ways of saying the same thing. One is, "Tell me everything you don't like about me. Tell me what you find wrong with me, and I'll probably agree with you. Then, we can go from there." The other way I state it is that "If I tell people what my flaws are, they have nothing negative left to say about me." I think both of these statements are true. I don't mean them in the self-degrading way that they may come out in writing. I have used these statements to establish truth in the fact that while I do think highly(enough) of myself, I know that I'm an imperfect person-no better than anyone else.
How does this apply to this "Retirement" series? It applies because my views are continually changing towards myself, and those views help me come to the decisions I am making these days about each next step.
I was having a conversation today and I was explaining my views of myself both personally and artistically to a friend. I was laying out the things that I don't like about myself and also the things that I'm aware that I need work on in my profession. My friend asked me to consider looking at life this way.(this is how I interpreted the insight.)
There is no right or wrong with where I am. There is nothing wrong with me. There is no need as a human to limit myself. I am on a path, and yes, I will make decisions that will greatly affect that, but they won't be the wrong decisions as long as they're made with truth and honesty.
I sometimes don't realize how much I judge myself. Of course, I need to hold myself to standards and morals, but sometimes I can really get in my own way. It's a bit nerve-wracking to think of letting go of control in my life, but oh, how I need to do just that.
I will let go...Then I won't...Then I will again, and that will be ok as long as I begin to accept and own the idea that I am going to make the right decisions. I will as long as I stay on a clear path, and that path is whichever one is before me at each moment. I think I can trust that.