If there's one thing that I try to be consistent about, it's that I never know what I'm going to be feeling from moment to moment. I felt that I was in a funk today. I was anxious about the show-which went swimmingly for the record, but I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me until about halfway through it.
In earlier posts, I've spoken about the "last time I will do...." I have always thought of these things as certain roles. Tonight, I was focused on the actual nitty-gritty of the classical ballet technique. These are the last shows in which I will execute some of the steps that are fundamental to the classical vernacular. I have taken these things for granted for the better part of eighteen years. This may not seem like a big deal, but imagine removing milk from your diet when you've been working on a dairy farm your whole life.
I know that many of the things I do will find their way into my next chosen profession, but it's bound to be different. I perform with an elite group of artists. We are chosen for our near-perfect (seemingly) abilities to create the illusion of perfection and beauty which is above and beyond humanity. I will never again be in this Mecca of "Chosen Ones." I will be in a new and exciting place, but ballet dancers are an unusual breed. I am so lucky to have been blessed with ten solid years in this profession. I am dumbstruck when I try to figure out how I hoodwinked the powers that be into allowing me to play within this grouping.
Tonight, after a wonderful opening, I am happy yet saddened to know that I am only nine performances away from the end of my career as a professional ballet (company) dancer. (four more this rep-five in the Spring.)
-I do get to finally perform "Iago" in Limon's "The Moor's Pavane" tomorrow. I'm ecstatic!