Monday, February 8, 2010


I'm starting to have my panic attacks again. There is such a rush of adrenaline coursing through me at all times. I can't sleep well. I'm overwhelmed and anxious, and at the same time, I'm excited and inspired. Once again I'll state how this feels like the time when I was about to come here-leaving everything I knew behind and beginning from scratch. The main difference is that then I had a definite job ahead of me. There was a paycheck to be had. Well, I suppose I'll look at unemployment as my paycheck to be had this time! At least there's that.

I'm beginning to feel the strange sensation of being pulled in two directions. I want to be close to the people I'm around, but yet I want to distance myself so that "good-bye" won't be as painful. It makes me sick to my stomach.

In the meantime, I continue to pour myself into my work and the gym. Both will hopefully continue to help me disperse my energy into positive places. Oh, what a journey.

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