Last night, I attended my last Ballet Ball, and we did as we dancers always have-made it a fun occasion. However, the fact that this was "the last of a something" isn't actually what I am struck by this time. Instead, it is a realization that hit me during rehearsal earlier today. I have sixty-three days left of my professional ballet career with the Kansas City Ballet. That's just a little over two months.
How am I going to spend these days? I consider it a given that they're going to be the fastest days of my life so far. However, I think that nothing could seem to go by faster than the last ten years have. There are the obvious things I need to do such as repaint my apartment, fill in the holes I've made by hanging things in the walls, find a place to live in New York-you know, the little things, but there are also huge finales to be had. How am I going to demonstrate to the people around me here in the company how much I've appreciated them? Is there anything I can do? Knowing me, I'll think of something, but it's still so strange.
One thing to take into consideration is that just because this seems big to me-as it has to anyone who has retired before me-doesn't mean that it is or will be heavily noticed or understood by the majority of those around me, and that is as it should be. I've been there. You can never understand what "retiring" means to a person unless it is your turn to go through it. Up until then, even the most supportive person can only slightly sympathize with the emotions that the retiree is going through. I feel like I'm excited to go through this new door and be a part of a new "club." I have talked about how you can never really go back to the exclusive members only fraternity that is a ballet company once you decide to leave, but there is an equally exciting world beyond it which one can only earn through many years of dedication to the field.
My next objective is to spend these last two months preparing my mind and getting evermore excited about this new opportunity, and I hope to shed even more light on the subject to others through my daily discoveries.