Part of my contract here at the ballet is that I get to have excerpts of my dancing once I leave. Today, I began going through some of those videos and gathering material. I was pleasantly surprised by my work over the years! I am going to toot my own horn (as modestly as I can) for a moment. I didn't completely hate what I saw! It was especially fun to see my skill level back in the beginning of my career and then see how things evolved-for the good and not-so-good as the years went on. So much happens in ten years. As dancers, we are hyper critical of ourselves, but sometimes when enough time has past, it is possible to look at ourselves objectively and without that critical eye. I was able to do this today, and I felt proud of the work I had done-maybe even for the first time.
It was hard to remain unemotional as I perused the archives. Whether anyone likes it or not, I have left a small footprint on the history of the Kansas City Ballet. Looking at the videos, I was refreshed to see that my joy of what I do came out in my performance. Sometimes, I can act nonchalant about my level of passion for my art, but who am I kidding? I love it. Thank goodness is showed on video.
It is so cool to see not only myself but the other people in the company from years ago. There has been a lot of turn over as would be expected, but I loved looking at the recordings and thinking of how we're all preserved for good. I can always look back and say, "Wow! I really could move fast and jump high at one point in my life!"
I'm thankful that I will have at least a little bit of my work to look back on and have proof to myself that I did it. I made it happen. I pushed, and I succeeded. Lucky me.